Chapter 31: Dirty Little Secret

IMPORTANT: Read the authors note at the end of the chapter.

A young woman shyly opened the door of the loud, crowded bar. She peeked inside trying to adjust her eyes to the colored lights moving around the dark surroundings, a red aura and smoke filling the air. She frowned.

People passed behind her and pushed her inside, so she sighed and just stepped in. She didn't like this much by the look on her face. She felt ridiculous wearing that short black dress and unconsciously tried to push the skirt down without any results. It just wasn't magic fabric to stretch it more. She stood next to the door, waiting to escape and trying to be invisible, but that was difficult, because she was the birthday girl after all.

All kinds of eyes looked at her, some with joy, others with awe. Most male ones looked at her with shock at first and then appreciation for her looks, so unusual for her, but just one pair of blue eyes, darker than hers, looked at her with a mixed expression of desire and denial. The blond man turned around after the woman saw her friends in the distance and smiled, her face lighting up. She walked around, not yet seeing him. She didn't have many curves and had a very thin and tall frame, a heritage from her grandmother. It was an almost fragile style, but somehow becoming a stronger presence in the room, making herself noticed because of the way she walked, owning the place. He swallowed and focused his attention on the glass in front of him, and with the other hand he firmly held the leg of the redhead woman he had next to him to pass the night.

The young baby blue eyed woman nervously put her dark brown hair behind her ear and smiled shyly when her two friends ran to hug her and wish her happy birthday. The first one, who almost choked her with her hug was much taller, with a stronger, athletic body, short blond curly hair and funny sincere eyes. Next to her, more calm but the just as excited, a beautiful woman, with long blond hair, deep green eyes, with the shape of a model and the aura of an elegant queen hugged her with all her heart, wishing her the best. The birthday woman thanked her friends and, after the two blonds looked at each other, each one holding an arm of hers and, probably making sure she would not escape, dragged her to the bar.

People around saluted her, hugged her and laughed with her. After her two best friends' greetings, came the hug from a handsome, dark blond man with small elliptic glasses with thin frames who was the same age as her. The man had soft blue eyes, was tall and very thin, with soft short hair, an elegant profile, the quiet air of a scientist and the tenderness of a teddy bear, hugged her dearly and after his good wishes, he turned around and grabbed the hand of the athletic woman with short curly hair, who looked at him happily. Then, another man, clearly younger and taller than her, with dark brown hair he had very short and amazing baby blue eyes poked her ribs and made her jump. Everybody laughed at them and after she slapped the back of his head, they hugged in a tender embrace, before the birthday girl was stolen from more people who want to greet her. The 20 year old officer, with the arrogant aura of almost all JAG officers, relaxed against the bar and looked devilishly at the other best friend of the birthday girl, the one who was a knock out, and she sexily walked next to him and kissed him on the lips and with that, most of the single men around sighed in sadness.

The soft music began and an old song filled the room.

The birthday woman moved around the room, full with people who cheered for her but suddenly she felt the familiar smell of cologne, the same perfume that make her stomach do flip flops since she was 17 and reminded her of an impossible wish. She turned around and his eyes glued onto hers in challenge. She held his stare and read the confusion in them. His confusion. His decision. his problem, she reminded herself.

If you wanna leave

I won't beg you to stay

And if you gotta go darling

Maybe its better that way

I'm gonna be strong

I'm gonna do fine

Don't worry about this heart of mine

Just walk out that door

Yea see if I care

Go on and go now but.

He slowly walked next to her, in a slow motion, his perfect, straight nose and always tanned golden skin glittering in the lights. His body, in better shape than most pilots, even if he wasn't one of them, moved like a predator around his prey, the muscles of his strong neck tensing as he saw her with a new light, the light of how you see a woman and not a child.

Don't turn around

Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking

Don't turn around

I don't want you seeing me cry

Just walk away

It's tearing me apart

That you're leaving

I'm letting you go

But I won't let you know.

He stopped in front of her and studied her, like she was one of his beloved designs, probably the only thing he truly loved in the end. His eyes bewitched her. Dark blue as the deep ocean, and like the sea, inviting, mysterious and dangerous.

He hugged her, strongly, but as soon as every inch of her small body burned him even through the clothes, and as soon as he realized she fit him like the piece of a puzzle he didn't want to admit he needed, he let her go. She held herself from extending his presence in her arms, and denied the pain inside her heart. Politely is how everyone except their closest friends, saw the scene. He murmured a "Happy birthday, Stick," with a deep voice, filled with desire but before anyone else noticed it, he disappeared from where he came. She looked in his direction for a second, and then turned around, glad that the darkness around the bar, was a really good ally hiding her pain.

I won't miss your arms around me

Holding me tight

If you ever think about me

Just know that I'll be alright

I'm gonna be strong

I'm gonna do fine

Don't worry about this heart of mine

I know I'll survive

Sure I'll make it through

And I'll even learn to live without you.

Everybody went to dance, but she sat at the table next to the JAG officer who, without speaking, put a glass of vodka in front of her. They looked at each other, reading their thoughts; a mechanism learned over the years through games they never thought they would use outside of the backyard. He sighed, feeling somehow responsible for her pain, but he was not. He just wanted to protect her, as always. She smiled bitterly and moved her head looking onto the dance floor, and murmured something like he should not leave his fiancée alone for too long, or she would get some sense and leave him alone, playing Robin Hood. The man licked out his tongue at her in a very childish way, but before he left her alone, he came close to her and kissed her forehead, blessing her. Then he walked onto the dance floor, looking for the beautiful blond who was surrounded by young pilots. He frowned, the same way the birthday girl did when she came in, a trademark of their mother, and feeling as possessive, like their father, around the blond with the model figure, who was actually one the finest RDF pilots they had, the dark haired man quickly marked his "territory" around the beautiful ethereal blond on the dance floor, much to her amusement.

The birthday woman looked onto the dance floor while sitting alone. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her face watching her friends dance, the short curly blond hair and her partner a little stiff dancing around, while the other couple, the JAG and the pilot, were definitely moving in a more suggestive way with the music.

'Young hearts, brave love,' she thought to herself and out of the corner of her eye she saw the man she loved kissing someone else. She knew the woman was just a pick up for the night, but it hurt. It always did. She turned around and faced the vodka glass in front of her and drank it all in one gulp. The burning sensation while the liquid traveled down through her made her forget for a second about the man who was making a very well known scene in front of everyone, sucking the woman's neck, holding her by the waist, pulling her closer to him. The woman had her eyes closed in ecstasy, enjoying the sensation of those expert lips on her skin plus the rush of adrenalin of making out in public. The birthday woman looked at them and couldn't look away. He moved against the redhead with a clear intention of seducing her, but his eyes never broke contact with her, like he was making love to her and not to the woman he was holding at that moment.

Don't turn around

Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking

Don't turn around

I don't want you seeing me cry

Just walk away

It's tearing me apart

That you're leaving

I'm letting you go

But I won't let you know

I wish I could scream out loud

That I love you

I wish I could say to you

Don't go.

"This is sick," she said aloud, turned around and wanted to run away, but she couldn't. She promised her parents that she was staying for her birthday party, because 'turning 29 is not something you do everyday' they said. She asked for another drink and while the bartender mixed it, she remembered better times, birthday parties she actually enjoyed. She remembered the first party when they were all together, well, most of them anyway. The sweet smell of the fruity drink now in front of her, reminded her of Aunt Mir's awful looking, but quite tasty strawberry cake. The colors of the drink, yellow, blue, green and red reminded her of when Uncle Max, her father, Rob and Roy blew up balloons and sang with funny voices because of the helium. She smiled remembering those times, not listening the music around the bar, but the inside memory of her 9th birthday, the first one she spent with her whole family.

Sarah sighed and felt a tear running down her face, but Dana cleaned it up before it fell onto the table. Sarah looked at her and Dana looked oddly serious, feeling the pain of her friend inside her own heart and, somehow, thankful that she never knew what that was. From the other side, Lizzy took her hand and Sarah looked at her, holding her tears and the long blond hair girl smiled sadly at her, fixed Sarah's hair tenderly behind her ear, like her mother did with her until this day and assured her that everything was going to be all right.

"C'mon, let's dance," said Benjamin, holding Sarah around her waist and softly making her stand up, thinking of a way to protect his sister's heart, but the situation was out of his and their parent's control. Peter was next to him extending his hand to her, inviting her to join them in a group dance. Sarah smiled sadly and accepted it, walking into the crowd feeling empty inside.

As he walks away he feels the pain getting strong

People in your life they don't know what's going on

Too proud to turn around he's gone.

Sean was already leaving the bar, holding hands with the nameless redhead. He didn't need names or introductions. He didn't need to love her, or have a story with her. He just needed another warm body to give him the satisfaction he never ended up filling. This was the way he chose to live his life; the way he thought he would be the master of his own destiny. The way he repeated to himself over and over again, the way he wanted.

Don't turn around

Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking

Don't turn around

I don't want you seeing me cry

Just walk away

It's tearing me apart

That you're leaving

I'm letting you go

But I won't let you know.

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Sean was laughing running after a soccer ball. He stopped it with his feet and prepared himself to kick it and maybe score a goal. Roy was at the other end, an improvised goal net behind him, ready to catch the ball. Sean smiled widely and kicked it. Roy stretched himself to catch it, but the ball passed between his arms and Sean celebrated his goal.

Roy looked at his little boy, running around with his arms in the air, laughing and shouting and he smiled. He was a good boy, his boy. He felt a sense of pride over him hard to explain with words. Sean was the best thing he ever did and not even in his wildest dream he imagine such a kid. Slowly he stood up and held the ball, waiting for Sean to stop his victory dance.

"Good one kiddo, but that was a lucky shot," he grinned.

"No way! You didn't see that coming, Dad," answered the boy.

"If you say so." joked Roy and threw the ball at his kid who now had Claudia's annoying expression all over his face. "C'mon, last time!"

Sean kicked the ball again, but this time Roy caught it easily. Sean frowned.

"Don't worry, it is hard for everyone to beat your old man," said Roy walking next to him, picking up their things and beginning to walk home.

Both, man and boy didn't chat much, but they didn't need it. They understood each other on a whole different level, and it had been like that was since Sean was born. Claudia and Sean had their own private little universe where they talked about everything, but between Sean and Roy the situation was different. They just talked about what they needed to, words were too small for them to understand each other. Roy could read Sean's silence like an open book and Sean knew to read his father's expressions to the core. They loved each other and enjoyed each other's company dearly. They were different in many aspects, but for Sean that was never a problem. He never questioned the adoration his parents had for him. He felt safe and the king of his house. He knew it was wrong for him to think that way, but he knew he could get away with almost everything, but he didn't push it, at least not too much. Roy looked down at the boy and wondered for a second what was the future held for him.

"So, any news recently?" asked Roy carefree.

"Nope, I'm the best of the class, as always. Girls chase after me, as always and I still don't find anything interesting in them, well. maybe in the older ones," grinned Sean, remembering how much he enjoyed watching the gym class of the senior girls while they were jumping. Roy hold his laugh. well, they did have something in common.

"So, you don't like any girls from your class?" Roy asked.

"No! They are all so. well. girly. except for Sarah," he wondered aloud, and Roy raised an eyebrow and waited for him to continue.

"Because Sarah is barely a girl!" he joked and Roy frowned.

"Don't be like that. she will grow up, eventually," he tried to explain but this time Sean looked at him skeptically.

"Yeah sure, but she will be always a Stick, sometimes I wonder if she will break, she is too thin, she looks like a flute."

"Don't spit to the sky boy, you never know what's going to happen. I mean. you know Lisa," said Roy looking at Sean.

"Yeah, Aunt Lisa is beautiful, but the Stick is the Stick. she is just. well. I don't think she will grow up like Aunt Lisa anytime soon."

"I knew Lisa when she was a lot younger and she wasn't always that, you know. well developed," said Roy remembering Lisa's younger years.

"C'mon Dad! Sarah is like a boy, she could be my brother or something, plus she is always hitting me, hard!" Sean complained and Roy held his laughter.

"Who knows, maybe one day you will look at her with different eyes," Roy commented, looking for his son's reaction. Sean made a face like he was going to vomit.

"The only way I am going to see her with different eyes will be if I become blind! No way, Dad, she is more boy than a real boy!" Sean said surely.

Roy dropped the subject and they kept walking to their home in silence. He wondered if that would be true, if they would continue being friends or if someday things would change between them, the way all them, the adults, commented once in a while. The interaction between Sarah and Sean was like that of cousins, very like the relationship between Bowie and Sean, but there was something else Roy couldn't put his finger on yet. He knew his son very well, and he could sense in him an appreciation for Sarah that was different from the rest. He felt the need to be close to her, even if Sean didn't notice it. Rick and Roy joked in private about being future "in laws", but Roy sometimes seriously considered it as a possibility. But there was something he could not actually understand about Sean. When someone talked about Sarah, he always put himself on the defensive, but when they were alone, Sean put his defenses down with her easily. Sure they fought, had arguments, and more than once Sarah put a black eye on Sean, but they also joked and played like every other kid. But they also talked. Roy found them more than once talking, like they were two small adults, about life, about feelings, about the future while they were drawing or doing homework. And Roy stared at them wondering.

They arrived home just in time before the rain began to fall. They were crossing the garden, when Sarah came running in their direction, a happy face all over her.

"Hey! My Mom and my Dad are going on a mission for a couple of days!!" she informed excitedly to Roy and Sean.

"Wow. that's great! Hey. but are you going, too?" asked Sean feeling a little uneasy with the idea.

"Nope, I'm staying with Dana for however long it takes, so we will hang out there," she explained and Roy smiled at her.

"Oh! All right! You are going now?" asked Sean feeling how the winds started to blow a little harder.

"Yeap, Sammy is helping me pack a bag. I was thinking we could make a camp, you know? With sleeping bags and stuff."

"Isn't a little cold for that?" asked Roy a little worriedly.

"We can do it in the living room here.it's bigger than Dana's," suggested Sean, looking at Roy , who nodded a positive.

"Sure, that's fine with me," answered Roy .

"Cool!!" said Sarah and began running back to her home. "See you later then!" she said waving and Sean stared at her, smiling in silence. Roy wisely walked inside the house and left the boy alone with his thoughts for a moment. Roy looked at him and wondered if his feelings were right, because his fatherly senses told him his boy was going to experience strong emotions for that girl, and also deny them with the same straight.

.

***************

To be continued…

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A/N:

Hello people, it’s been a long time… You know when you have an idea in your head and your brain is a lot faster than your fingers typing? Well, that’s what happened to me, suddenly my mind was creating the epilogue of BD and I just wanted to write it! So I did, obviously… but this is just a glance into the future, I want to give some clues about what is going to happen way ahead in BD, surely here I don’t answer the main topic of BD, but I gave you some information, some you probably already figure out and others I am VERY sure you never even thought about it ;-) I think some issues here were pretty obvious, like the relationships between certain characters, so I thought, What is the surprise in waiting like 10 more chapters to read what already everybody knew? None, that’s why I put them all here… and kept the good surprises under my sleeve… and if I am lucky, keep all you guessing about them ;-) See you in the next chapter! By the way, the look into the future ends now, next chapter we are back into our normal time line.

Thanks for beta me D!

Songs names of the chapter